Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
