I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
