Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have aggressive nipples.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
