I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
