So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
