I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
