I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
