D3 body, D1 cock
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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