Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
