So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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