Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
