Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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