seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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