we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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