and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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