you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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