He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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