Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
