well you can't waste a boner
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
