2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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