Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
