I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ttyl tear gas
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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