I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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