dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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