I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
