I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
there is puke in my bra ... again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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