So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You are the jesus of drinking
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
