I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
