Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
