do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
