We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
