True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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