I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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