lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize