yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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