the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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