You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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