Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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