I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
