I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
