There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
