He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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