No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
