I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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