Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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