cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
