K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
