when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
