I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
