I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
