Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
