I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
