I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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