I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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