She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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