You smell like stripper and shame
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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