This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
