where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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