im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
