is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
