my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
