all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
