so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
