please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
