Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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