Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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