Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
