there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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