I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So squirting runs in the family.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Your cock deserves a montage
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
