Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
