I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
